Leticia: Just as on many occasions we have made a mistake with the first impression of a co-worker or a new neighbor, the same can happen to us on the first date. It can be nerves, shame or wanting to please those who can or can play a trick on them. First dates are not always good, and the same happens on other more intimate planes. If we have not seen anything intolerable or alarming, and if we have seen something that we consider necessary, give a second chance.
Important: it’s like not putting out resumes or not doing job interviews when you’re looking for a job. You have to have dates, get out of your comfort zone and meet as soon as possible (especially when you meet someone through apps or websites).
Elena: Once again, be open to meeting other people, giving ourselves and giving the opportunity to show ourselves and show ourselves to the other. Don’t put expectation ahead and don’t be afraid. The other is probably the same as us.
Leticia: Here we can mention the same thing again about shame. It will last only a few minutes, until we start to interact. Regarding the dating apps, it’s great to be able to write to us to find out more, but what in the end will let us know if there is chemistry or not is to meet in person. On a day-to-day basis, if you meet someone who catches your attention, you should jump in, try to meet him, for example in the gym or in dance classes. You have to try to start a conversation and see if things flow and can generate an appointment.
Let’s not raise expectations of these encounters. The best disposition to have a date is to be natural and do something that we like a lot, to compensate for certain uncomfortable moments that may arise: a simple cane, a picnic in a park …
Elena: In these encounters we usually find ourselves, on the one hand, insecure and on the other hand, quite demanding. The latter is still a form of self-defense if we reflect a bit. The higher the expectation or the demands, the more difficult it is for someone to like me and to hurt me. It does not mean that this always happens, but when we have had bad experiences in past relationships, it can happen.
Leticia: Expectations can cause us tricks if they are too high. Something that can help us is to do something normal, like have a coffee, a beer, and that it is an intermediate hour, in case we are comfortable, that can be extended at the time of lunch or dinner. Another tip: you have to go positive, willing to see what we like about the other person, wanting to have a good time.
Looking for a partner can be frustrating, but we have to practice emotional intelligence. That a date goes wrong or that someone drops a border on Tinder does not have to mean anything about us. Enrich your life beyond love.
Elena: Be aware of the terrain or context in which we move, take care of ourselves and love each other very much. Go little by little. Enjoy the process of meeting someone without rushing, see what we are feeling and be honest with ourselves and with the other person. The period of seduction or courtship (I know the term sounds old-fashioned), is a very beautiful path and it can be very stimulating. This sometimes we forget and we start the house from the roof. Let’s listen to what we want or want at all times.
Leticia: It is very important not to generalize. If a date does not work, it does not mean that no one else is going to do it or that we are not valid or that no one will like us. Something that I consider essential is to love yourself, because that way you will want in a healthier way. Sometimes we forget our role, of being the right person. Analyzing only if the other person is the ideal one can make us nonconformist, not very tolerant and very demanding. If we find someone who fits us, but we leave much to be desired, what?